Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die

I am not a religious being. I am a human being (I mean most of the time, when I am not a human doing).

How did I learn to walk, to ride a bike, to listen?

Did I actually learn to walk? Not really. What I did was feel. And I felt. And I felt. I cried. I called my mum for help, she gave me a band aid. I felt again. It hurt.

The more I practiced, the more I liked it. I started to have fun. I started to be present. This was my tipping point. The tipping point, that’s what I am talking about.

I mean someone can explain the theory to you, do some whiteboard sessions about how to walk, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter. Theory doesn’t count, participation does.

It’s the same for riding a bike, communicating; even relationships.

Now I always carry some funky band-aids in my pocket, so when I get hurt, I can heal myself. No big deal.

Action is the only way of being. We don’t sit down with a group of other kids around a bottle of lemonade and debate about what is the best way to walk, or ride a bike, or play a role. We just do it. No fluff.

As children, we know that.

The more we grow up, the more we start to intellectualise before taking action. The more we grow up, the more our identity gets in the way.

I am definitely a Melbournian. I am a bird friendly coffee junky. I read and enjoy tags on my train lines. I bake amazing deserts but eat at the food truck, and the only thing I love at St Kilda beach is the sunset. Unfortunately I don’t grow a proper beard, I am just lazy in the shower.

I am also a beach girl. I love Sydney. I love Bondi beach.

Each time I go to Bondi beach, I sit and watch the waves filling up the swimming pool on the right hand side of the beach. I am so inspired by this swimming pool for a simple reason. Its water is the same water as the ocean; only a concrete wall separates the two.

That’s what identity is for me: a separation, a boundary in between ‘I’ and ‘we’.

This little piece of concrete that I am so attached to is what stops me from being the world. Creating whatever life I want. Participating fully in every single moment.

Rumi wrote “You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean in a drop”. I wonder what he would have said if he had visited Bondi beach for a swim and some fish and chips.

I constantly challenge the limit of my swimming pool, and dive into the ocean. I am scared a bit, but fundamentally there is nothing to be really scared of because I have my funky band-aids!

I am passionate about communication.

I try to make the effort to give my full attention to the people I communicate with. And don’t get me wrong, this is really new. I recently had to admit that I never truly listened to others. Again, my tipping point.

I was hearing but not listening. It was a lot of ‘me, me, me’, in my speaking of course, but also in my listening.

I still do it sometimes, my girlfriend reminded me last Sunday on the beach.

To offer my full attention, I make sure I listen and speak from a place of curiosity, not understanding. Understanding is for me collecting the conversation into a little cute book and archiving it in my library.

I don’t do that anymore. I don’t do that anymore because the book gets dusty, I forgot about it, I become a collector, not an explorer. Life is not about how many books you have, but more about how many you lived.

Life is the same for me, if I don’t use it, it gets dusty. I hate doing the cleaning.

I like to explore. I don’t have the outfit, but definitely the mindset. I make some space, some room for people’s stories. Everyone has a story that deserves my full attention.

I listen from a different place. It requires effort. It requires energy. It requires sacrifice.

Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die.

I feel sometimes that my generation wants the outcome, the glory, the treasure but doesn’t want the exploration, the effort, the pain, the discomfort, the sacrifice.

Basically the real fun. The growth.

Transformation has an address.

We want it all. And we want it now. We are greedy and impatient. And this has become the norm. We are frustrated because we are not living the life we paid for on eBay.

So we give up, and look for another fix. We call this process ‘change’.

Don’t change, die instead. I invite you to unlearn everything you have learned, get over your little reality that makes up your little you. Bring nothing to the conversation, bring everything to the moment. Discover, explore and have faith in the fat big ‘YOU’.

It is scary though, but trust me it is so much fun. Some of the best fun I have in my life is when I put myself on the line, when I participate. Something amazing automatically happens, something called vitality.

People call you sunshine or lighthouse.

Creation starts from nothing, otherwise it’s not creating, it’s fixing or troubleshooting. I know what I am talking about, I work as an engineer.

In a tarot deck, the card ‘death’ is the most feared because it predicts total transformation. Death is symbolic of the ending of a major phase or aspect of your life that may bring about the beginning of something far more valuable and important. You must close one door in order to open another.

Damn it, at work there are only revolving doors.

You can’t get out of life alive, you have to die first to become an alchemist. I know, bad news hey. Our trouble is not ignorance, it is inaction.

All of us we want to succeed, but only few are ready to fall. We want the glory but not the face in the mud. I like the mud though, it is good for my skin.

I have been looking for love for a long time. Then I found it in the most uncommon place ever. I realised that love is where I come from, so there’s no need to look for it. It is here, with me all the time. Just like the water in the Bondi swimming pool. I just allowed it to overflow.

I always wanted to go to heaven, and I always knew that I will have to die first.

The day I broke through my identity, and jack hammered my swimming pool, the ocean started to flow.

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